I’ve been operating under the assumption that my controlling interest for raising our children is “safety.” I want to keep our children safe and protected, which is the driving force behind my motives, my controlling idea, on the way I’ve acted over the last 13 years when it comes to my child rearing decisions.
Yet now that I am writing this book, and able to express what before was inexpressible for me, I realize that my controlling idea for child rearing is based on fear. Candace, my wife, brought this to my attention last night after I told our 12-year-old son, Connor, that he couldn’t hang out under the Sag Harbor bridge with his school friends after dark.
At first, I was cold and hard with Connor, explaining to him about what could happen – and from what we hear from other school parents – does happen, under the bridge. In my self righteous approach based on my CI, safety, I felt I was justified to take a tough, fear based approach.
Hearing me discuss this with Connor, and then asking me to mirror back to her my intention, my controlling idea, Candace asked me if I really wanted to come from fear. “Express fear,” she said, “and you will manifest fear. Express love and you will manifest love.”
Is a controlling idea really “truth?” How can it be when truly examined and understood, when it has the ability to change. A controlling idea certainly isn’t absolute truth, and even if we consider it subjective truth, and we argue from an inflexible position, we won’t be able find the depth of switching from a fear based to a faith based reality.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
What To Tell Oprah
This morning, at the Starbucks in Bridgehampton, NY, my friend, Jed, asked me, "When The Controlling Idea book comes out, and Oprah has you on her show (from his lips to God's ears), and says 'Why would a mother be interested in buying this book?,' what are you going to say?"
Instead of answering his question, I told him a story:
Both my children play musical instruments and sing. Often they will make up songs; sometimes with interesting lyrics, sometimes just pounding on the piano or screaming like hard rockers.
Often, I will stop them and ask, "What is your controlling idea for that song? What are you trying to say? What are you trying to express through your music? What story are you trying to tell?" Then, I'll wait, and ask them one more time, "What is your controlling idea?" Inevitably, the music will change from noise to something special.
My children know when I ask about their controlling idea what I'm really asking them is, "What is the inherent truth in what you are trying to say?" Even young children know they have a purpose, although like most of us, never had the permission to either think about their truth, or, more importantly, been encouraged to articulate that truth.
Almost all of us can talk endlessly about what we do, what we think, or how we feel; but so few of us can actually articulate what to our core makes us tick, what from our beginnings drove us to be who we are, and what we actually stand for.
The Controlling Idea is simply a handbook on how we can embrace our truth, and with love, confidence and authority, articulate that truth, our purpose, our point of view, in everything we do. It’s the difference between making noise and making sense.
“That is what I would tell, Oprah,” I said.
Jed stood up, took a sip of his tea and said, “I would buy that book,” and we walked out together.
Instead of answering his question, I told him a story:
Both my children play musical instruments and sing. Often they will make up songs; sometimes with interesting lyrics, sometimes just pounding on the piano or screaming like hard rockers.
Often, I will stop them and ask, "What is your controlling idea for that song? What are you trying to say? What are you trying to express through your music? What story are you trying to tell?" Then, I'll wait, and ask them one more time, "What is your controlling idea?" Inevitably, the music will change from noise to something special.
My children know when I ask about their controlling idea what I'm really asking them is, "What is the inherent truth in what you are trying to say?" Even young children know they have a purpose, although like most of us, never had the permission to either think about their truth, or, more importantly, been encouraged to articulate that truth.
Almost all of us can talk endlessly about what we do, what we think, or how we feel; but so few of us can actually articulate what to our core makes us tick, what from our beginnings drove us to be who we are, and what we actually stand for.
The Controlling Idea is simply a handbook on how we can embrace our truth, and with love, confidence and authority, articulate that truth, our purpose, our point of view, in everything we do. It’s the difference between making noise and making sense.
“That is what I would tell, Oprah,” I said.
Jed stood up, took a sip of his tea and said, “I would buy that book,” and we walked out together.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
The Controlling Idea
Truth is the ultimate spin.
Yet how many chief executives, politicians, educators, leaders, artists, or even bloggers, know their "truth," what they stand for, their point of view, their controlling idea?
Yet, once someone takes the time to ponder, "what do I stand for?" or "what is my point of view?" or simply "what is my truth?," they start the journey away from spin, hype and manipulation, and start the magnificent journey toward authentic storytelling, which is the only way ever to share personal truth.
This blog is our adventure to uncover a new way of thinking, a unique way of looking at everything and everyone with a story. Are we spinning or are we sharing our truth? Are we trying to manipulate, or are we attempting to express a deep, personal belief system?
What business today has a controlling idea and is successfully communicating it?
Yet how many chief executives, politicians, educators, leaders, artists, or even bloggers, know their "truth," what they stand for, their point of view, their controlling idea?
Yet, once someone takes the time to ponder, "what do I stand for?" or "what is my point of view?" or simply "what is my truth?," they start the journey away from spin, hype and manipulation, and start the magnificent journey toward authentic storytelling, which is the only way ever to share personal truth.
This blog is our adventure to uncover a new way of thinking, a unique way of looking at everything and everyone with a story. Are we spinning or are we sharing our truth? Are we trying to manipulate, or are we attempting to express a deep, personal belief system?
What business today has a controlling idea and is successfully communicating it?
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