Under the Bridge

I’ve been operating under the assumption that my controlling interest for raising our children is “safety.” I want to keep our children safe and protected, which is the driving force behind my motives, my controlling idea, on the way I’ve acted over the last 13 years when it comes to my child rearing decisions.

Yet now that I am writing this book, and able to express what before was inexpressible for me, I realize that my controlling idea for child rearing is based on fear. Candace, my wife, brought this to my attention last night after I told our 12-year-old son, Connor, that he couldn’t hang out under the Sag Harbor bridge with his school friends after dark.

At first, I was cold and hard with Connor, explaining to him about what could happen – and from what we hear from other school parents – does happen, under the bridge. In my self righteous approach based on my CI, safety, I felt I was justified to take a tough, fear based approach.

Hearing me discuss this with Connor, and then asking me to mirror back to her my intention, my controlling idea, Candace asked me if I really wanted to come from fear. “Express fear,” she said, “and you will manifest fear. Express love and you will manifest love.”

Is a controlling idea really “truth?” How can it be when truly examined and understood, when it has the ability to change. A controlling idea certainly isn’t absolute truth, and even if we consider it subjective truth, and we argue from an inflexible position, we won’t be able find the depth of switching from a fear based to a faith based reality.